How to teach kids to share? Probably one of the trickiest questions for any parent. That’s because toddlers literally perceive everything they hold in their hands as their own property. The idea of giving it to someone else doesn’t appeal to them – they are focused on their own needs and desires. At this age, such behavior is completely natural. The concept of “sharing” or “giving away” is a social skill that, like any other, must be learned.
In the Montessori approach, you won’t find advice like “Just give the other child what they’re asking for, because it’s the right thing to do.” That’s because teaching sharing should not come at the cost of a child’s ability to say “no” when a situation feels uncomfortable. Today, let’s explore this topic in more detail and find the balance between teaching sharing and helping kids preserve their boundaries when necessary. Oh, and let’s not forget how parents can stay sane while navigating yet another challenge thrown at them by parenthood.
Understanding the Developmental Stage
Between 18 months and 3 years, children absorb the world through direct experience. At this age, they see their belongings—and even their parents—as extensions of themselves. This strong sense of ownership makes the idea of sharing nearly nonexistent. Simply declaring a rule like “Now we share our toys with other kids” won’t do much good.
Teaching Sharing: Practical and Realistic Approaches
In Montessori environments, especially classrooms, the rule is clear: all materials, toys, and tools are communal. If it’s on the shelf, anyone can use it. If someone is already using it, take something else and wait. These conditions make sharing easier because the rules are predictable, and children can focus on using what is available.
At home, outdoors, or in everyday interactions, such consistency is harder to maintain. Instead, we can gradually teach toddlers to take turns, find compromises, and most importantly, identify and understand their feelings in those moments (and help them express them).
Some Helpful Guidelines
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Ensure enough materials for siblings. Provide duplicates or similar toys to reduce competition.
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Encourage parallel play. Toddlers aren’t developmentally ready for true cooperative play. They usually play beside each other, not together.
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Introduce turn-taking with visual aids. Use sand timers or simple countdowns to teach patience. Say: “It’s John’s turn now, then it will be your turn.”
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Don’t force children to give up items to “be a good boy” or show “good girl” behavior. If a toddler is engaged with a toy, offer another option to the other child. This helps your toddler feel respected, not just expected to comply.
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Explain, don’t just forbid. For example, if your toddler wants a puzzle another child is using, say: “Sophie is playing with the puzzle now. You can have it when she’s done.” This promotes patience, turn-taking, and respect for others’ needs, without creating conflict.
Gentle Explanations When Teaching a Toddler to Share: Why It Matters
Children imitate what they see. When parents or caregivers consistently model kindness, empathy, and thoughtful communication in everyday situations, toddlers begin to imitate that behavior. So, when a toddler grabs something or refuses to share, instead of scolding or punishing them, help them identify their feelings and offer an alternative. This supports emotional intelligence and gives toddlers the vocabulary they need for self-expression.
Helpful Games for Teaching a Toddler to Share
It’s best to introduce games to teach sharing as early as possible—once your child is ready to interact, but before they become a “possessive little owner.”
You Give Me, I Give You
This is a very simple but highly effective game for teaching a toddler to share. Take a toy and say, “Do you want it? Here you go.” Then: “Now please give me the toy,” and when they do, respond: “Thank you. Here’s another toy for you.” Through this activity, the toddler learns that giving something away doesn’t mean losing it forever—they can easily get it back. It’s also a great way to practice polite language like please, thank you, you’re welcome.
Role Play: Let’s Trade
In this game, you offer your toddler one object but ask for another in return. Practice swapping toys so your child can have a positive experience of both giving and receiving.
Relay Game
The core of this activity is taking turns to complete a task, which makes it perfect for toddlers. It can easily be set up at home. For example, one child climbs up the wooden play gym ladder to deliver a toy to a friend. That friend slides down the slide and carries the toy back to the starting point.
The main idea is to create positive and pleasant associations with the act of sharing. Forcing a child to share creates resistance. Instead, look for as many opportunities as possible to praise and acknowledge positive behavior. It takes patience and the understanding that things won’t always go smoothly or perfectly, so don’t forget to praise yourself for each small success. That’s your achievement too.
And if things don’t go as planned, remind yourself: this is a journey, and instant results aren’t realistic. Some days will be harder, others easier. But you will definitely see the fruits of your effort.
