Children do not yet have enough experience, self-awareness, or vocabulary to properly release excess emotions. This becomes especially difficult when they face frustration, sadness, or unmet desires. Kids' anger is a completely natural reaction, but even knowing this doesn’t make it easier for parents.
Kids' anger can turn into tantrums, aggression, refusal to participate in certain activities, or unwillingness to engage in an open and honest dialogue. Yes, they are “just children,” and we love them endlessly, but toddler aggressive behavior can sometimes knock us off balance. First of all, we need to remind ourselves:
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Aggressive behavior in children happens. It does not make us bad parents.
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The child is not doing this out of malice or on purpose. They simply do not know how to help themselves or how to solve the problem.
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Before moving on to contain the child’s emotions and help them cope, parents should practice self-care first. Take a second for yourself: breathe in, breathe out, count to ten, and avoid slipping into automatic reactions.
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Some practices that help manage kids' anger are suggested in Maria Montessori’s educational approach.
Understanding the Roots of Kids Anger
Before diving into solutions, it is useful to understand what is happening. When a child experiences anger, it is often a sign that they feel powerless, overwhelmed, or misunderstood. This can manifest as crying, screaming, or even physical outbursts such as biting, hitting, or rolling on the floor.
All of these behaviors are clear signals that the child’s emotional resources are depleted, and their nervous system cannot handle the difficulties they are facing – even if, from an adult’s perspective, the situation would not normally trigger kids' anger.
Montessori Philosophy on Emotional Regulation
Maria Montessori emphasized approaching children’s needs with respect and understanding, showing patience, and (most importantly) realizing that even when their behavior is challenging, children are struggling too.
Her principle: children need parental love the most at the very moment when they behave as if they do not need it at all.
Montessori suggests being proactive: creating not only areas for learning and practical activities at home but also spaces for kids anger management activities. A quiet corner, or “calm down corner,” in a child’s room or living room provides a space to shift attention, calm down, and process what triggered the reaction.
We’ve previously described how to create a calm-down corner in detail. Overall, it should be a cozy place associated with positive feelings for the child. Such a space, combined with kids' anger management activities, is a universal tool to help children learn to cope with different intense emotions (not just anger) in ways that are safe for themselves and others.
Why Punishment Is a Poor Strategy for Dealing with Kids Anger
The worst way to respond to kids' anger is through physical punishment or harsh scolding. Instead, Montessori educators emphasize teaching that every action has logical or natural consequences. This is what must be consistently explained to the child. Parents may need to repeat this many times, which can make the method seem ineffective. And yes, it is challenging for parents — it requires patience and persistence.
Of course, yelling back at a child might make them immediately quiet down. But this happens only because the child has been frightened. Now they are not only angry, frustrated, or sad, but also afraid. In a home where children are yelled at or hit, there are no true adults.
10 Best Kids Anger Management Activities
In our article “How to Deal With Tantrums?” you may have already discovered 10 ways to prevent toddler aggressive behavior and how to cope when a tantrum is already in full swing. The following kids anger management activities are aimed directly at situations when you see clear signs of kids' anger.
1. Calm-Down Jar
This is a wonderful tool for managing frustration and distracting a child from their current stress. All you need is a simple plastic bottle filled with water or clear glue and glitter. When the child shakes the bottle, the glitter swirls chaotically, just like their inner feelings during an episode of kids anger. Watching the glitter slowly settle helps them visually connect the calming process with their own body and mind returning to peace.
2. Swinging
A Pod swing with a cushion inside, or even a simple but comfortable swing, works wonders. The rocking motion back and forth helps stabilize the child’s emotional state. Instead of a regular swing, you can also use a Montessori climbing arch with a pillow inside and let the child rock back and forth. This is a very simple yet highly effective option among kids anger management activities.
3. Squeezing Clay or Dough
Toddler aggressive behavior can be redirected with modeling clay or Play-Doh. Soft clay is best, as it’s easier and more pleasant to manipulate. Working with it gives children a physical outlet for emotional energy: they can squeeze, roll, or shape abstract figures. When a child feels angry, you might gently say: “Your body feels very big and mad right now. Squeeze the clay as hard as you can.” This channels their energy into a safe, constructive action. Once the first wave of anger passes, you can suggest they create an object that represents their anger, and then squash it – metaphorically conquering the emotion.
4. Tearing Paper
This is one of the best options when aggressive behavior in children is really getting out of control. Tearing paper provides a safe way to release anger without harming anyone. Keep a basket of old magazines or scrap paper in the calm-down corner, along with a tray or trash bin for the torn pieces. Often, while tearing paper, children move from anger to crying – which is actually positive, since aggressive behavior in children has transformed into a harmless activity, and the child has been able to focus on their own feelings. This type of physical release can help a child process emotions more quickly.
5. Nature Walks and Sensory Bins
Going for a walk is an excellent way to release kids anger and calm down. Encourage your child to notice things using their senses – the sound of the wind, the texture of a leaf, the smell of fresh rain. This grounding practice has a soothing effect. If going outside isn’t possible, you can create sensory bins filled with kinetic sand, rice, or water, allowing the child to interact with these materials indoors.
6. “What’s in the Box?”: A Focusing Game
When a child is in the middle of anger, their brain is often overloaded. A simple game can help re-engage their frontal cortex. Place a small, interesting object in a box. Ask the child to close their eyes, use only their sense of touch, and guess what’s inside. This reduces stress, lowers tension, and shifts their focus to a calmer activity.
7. Punching Pillow
When kids anger feels too intense, a punching pillow can be a straightforward but effective solution. The child can hit the pillow as hard as they want until they’ve released the stress physically – without harming anyone around them.
8. Water Play
Offer your child a bath with bubbles, or simply set out two bowls: one with colored water and one empty. Provide spoons, droppers, or small cups to transfer the water back and forth. This activity requires precision and concentration, naturally redirecting attention and improving emotional balance.
9. “Heavy Work”
Heavy work refers to activities involving pushing, pulling, or lifting. These actions provide proprioceptive input, which deeply calms the nervous system and is one of the most effective strategies for managing children’s anger. Ask your child to carry a stack of books across the room, move toy boxes, or even help you in the garden – watering flowers, pulling weeds. These activities create a grounding effect that helps emotional storms subside.
10. Volcano Experiment
For older children, a mini science experiment can serve as a powerful metaphor for emotions. Create a simple “volcano” using baking soda and vinegar. As it erupts, explain that it’s better to release emotions gradually so our inner volcano doesn’t grow too big and explode. You might also read the chapter from The Little Prince where he carefully cleans his volcanoes every morning so they function properly.
Final Thoughts
Emotional resilience, learning how to cope with feelings, and knowing what to do in different situations are all skills. Children learn these skills just like they learn to walk, run, button clothes, or later read and write. The more positive experiences and examples they receive in handling negative emotions, the easier it will become for them each time – and for you as well. That’s why trying each of these 10 kids anger management activities is guaranteed to be a good idea.
